Honoring your “Yes” and your “No”
Written by: Jessica Landfair
Sometimes what can deplete us most, is simply over-committing ourselves or saying yes to the wrong things. Many of us want to help those around us, or are simply really good at many tasks, and we find ourselves saying yes simply because we know we can do it.
It is great to want to help others out, but we also have to check to see whether we are chronically saying yes to other people’s agendas without making much forward movement on our own.
Would you say that you tend to say “yes” to a lot of requests from others or do you have a healthy “no” practice currently in place?
Let’s take a quick look at the top five priorities in your life. This will add a layer of intentionality when you are about to say “yes” or “no” to something. A lot of the time when someone makes a request, we automatically respond with a “yes” and then try to figure out how we can manage it with what is already on our plate.
What we want is to get to a place where we pause in between their request and our response. During this pause, you will be able to assess your top five priorities and to determine whether their request helps move you towards them or away from them. Let’s do a little experiential exercise.
Activity:
Grab a paper and pen or a journal to write in.
What I want you to do is write your top five priorities at the top of the page. These can be anything that feel important to you.
(Physical Health, Quality Time with Family, Healthy Relationships, Finances, Spirituality, Mental Health, Self-Improvement, Education and Learning, Exciting Hobbies, Alone Time, Travel, etc.)
Now go through your calendar and make a list as to which activities support your top five, as well as the ones that do NOT support your top five.
Reflection:
Look at your lists. What, if anything, came up for you as you did this exercise?
Is there an activity that does not support your top five priorities you would like to commit to canceling this week?
What feelings or sensations come up for you when you think of removing this activity?
Practices to experiment with:
Practice pausing after each new request and consider whether this moves you closer to or further away from your top priorities.
Every Sunday, scan your week for previously scheduled activities and see which, if any, can be removed if they are not serving your top five priorities.
Notice how it feels to free up space in your calendar. When you say “no” to one thing, you are saying “yes” to something else.